I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
