This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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