Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You are a genius and a whore.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
