He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
