I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
