OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
