Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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