chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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