Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
