You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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