How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
