I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
