I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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