There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
