Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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