I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
