and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
