You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
