I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
