i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
