like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
