My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
