The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
