I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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