I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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