His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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