SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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