Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
