there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
someone owes me an orgasm
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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