Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
