3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize