Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
