Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just had sex bonerless
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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