omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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