She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
