whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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