if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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