Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
