Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just invented taco cereal.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
