Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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