fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
