Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Fuck appropriateness.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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