I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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