is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
