Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
