my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize