i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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