***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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