Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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