take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
