If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
