scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
