You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize