hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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