Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
it was like eating out sand paper
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
