i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
