Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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