i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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