yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
