oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
