Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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