So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
