a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
