Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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