just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i barfeds in our rink
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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