Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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