Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
we made out on top of his cat.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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