At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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