Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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