a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
