I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My vagina is very pro this idea
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
