So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
we're so committed to being not committed
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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