there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
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