I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
